Perception

1

February 28, 2019 by readlisaread

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.  Messages are not always received in the same intention of spirit with which they were sent.  Our life experiences, learnings and biases colour our view of the world and every conversation we have, reflect on every person we meet and relationship that grows.

There was a major political event unfold recently.  The former Attorney General of Canada, Jody Wilson-Raybould, gave fully three hours of testimony regarding her experience of being pressured to comply with something she felt was wrong, and her views on having been removed from the AG position to one in charge of Veterans Affairs– an important but far less glamorous post. A little more background can be found here: Telegram Article

Here is what I noticed about how people around me responded to this event.

Male Colleague: “Well, she can kiss her future political career goodbye.”

Male Friend: “This could easily topple the government.”

Female Colleague: “I was absolutely fascinated listening to her, and am in awe of her strength and authenticity”.

Female Friend: “What a powerful and awesome woman.”

It made me think of how we do all look at things differently, which is as it should be, and promotes healthy exchanges of ideas.  However, it also makes me reflect on the difference between have a deficit or abundant point of view.

An example:

Suppose you happen upon an acquaintance who has recently worked hard to lose weight/be more fit.  Do you compliment them by saying: “Wow! You look fabulous! Your hard work really shows!”  or do you say “Wow! You are going to have to stop losing weight or you’re going to disappear!”.

It’s a subtle thing, and at first glance, you might not be able to see the difference– in both examples above, a compliment is offered, but one is markedly back handed. And I wonder why it is the default for some peoples’ communication style.

This extends for me to joyfulness. I tend to find joy or delight in a great deal of things I experience throughout my day.  Certainly that can be attributed to having a generally up-beat attitude, but it is also purposeful.  A deficit attitude can also quickly degenerate into being a victim, expecting the worst, cynicism where none is required. It has long been my belief that the energy you put out is returned to you.  When I greet people with a smile, I receive smiles back at a rate of almost 100% return.

I guess I look at it this way.  The ledger might show you how much money you have, but it does not express the richness of your life.  A seedling will grow in nutritious or poor soil. You can justify and excuse the weaker plant’s attributes, or celebrate the fact that it did as well as it did. Alternately, you can give the plantling every advantage, knowing that is how it will achieve its best. Take glee in treating your loved ones well, assuming they will treat you thusly, or hold back something lest they become spoiled.

If being a “Pollyanna” is offered by way of criticism or insult, maybe you are surrounded by the deficit-minded


1 comment »

  1. Steven says:

    Sometimes it is a combination. “JWR is a powerful and awesome, who may topple the government, and has kissed her political career goodbye”.
    Or to a high-school student who wants to get into Commerce or Engineering and has a 92% average, where the minimum entrance requirement is 95%… does one say “those are fantastic marks” or “those are fantastic marks but they won’t get you where you want to go”.
    Being a person of a certain age, knowing what to say to someone who has lost weight is a challenge; was it on purpose, or is there something wrong in their life, health, relationship, financial etc. An example is “You look good, you have trimmed down since I last saw you… Was it on purpose?”
    Interactions are so multi-faceted; people can be happy, yet concerned; proud, yet encouraging; or perhaps just curmudgeonly.

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